time flew by. didnt realise.
dinner and somehow got caught up in discussions. social issues, family, religion, gripes abt attitudes, love, relationships... blah philosophy blah...
my only concern is: philosophy is great.. sets you thinking when you dont really need to? when things can be simple. - that aside, if we were discussing more social issues, at least i could argue with ANYONE that i "studied" for my upcoming exams this may.
Soul: that word was mentioned.
Do you believe in past/present/future, life-after-death, rebirth..?
is that what your soul is? does it traverse thru the eras of time and space?
is it a collection of your experiences, that you can expand on feelings, stories, emotions, other people..?
It brought me back to yesterday. I was in school (YES, I WENT FOR REVISION LESSON)
and the canteens were not open so we (eventually) decided to have lunch at Holland V, not too far away from school.
Lunch was decent.
Just after lunch wasnt.
I was dreaming of mocha latte from coffee bean (which wasnt too far from the foodcourt where we had lunch). and we trooped there.
within that short walk. my gaze settles on a Man.
My Mind's Picture: a hobble. a trolly from the supermarket. paraphernalia that small, even desolate looking, in it.. scraps of paper, that made the already spacious trolly look too empty.
He wasnt really shabbily dressed. Pink shirt and pants.
A nasty hobble. slow. agonizing.
his face, a story of a hard life? stricken with the lines of age, sunspots, toothless, a frown that i see? as if he has accepted this...
I felt this sense of guilt.
flashes: does this old man collect scraps of paper for a living in this single supermarket trolly?; what was I doing spending $5 on designer coffee?; but he isnt that shabbily dressed; but his hobble is heart-wrenching, I should go up and help; is he walking along this road, in something that wld probably equate to "Sunday-best" in storybooks like Little Women et al. because he WANTS to?; I want to give up my coffee.... no, i want to be someone he knows he can trust, even if i'm a stranger; what are his circumstances.. he must be numbed from life's cruelties;
...... what if his pride preceeds him and i get turned away -- my gaze follows as we cross paths. something heavy sinks. I find my head turning to watch him go by, as he continues his journey, and I, into the cafe.
I am ashamed now.
Even if I didnt "help", I could have asked. There's always something lovely about one's smile. I recall an incident in the past, still etched so clearly.. I was just about 8 or 9 years old. I had to run an errand for mum while she waited in the car. An old indian man was struggling with a load on a goods-trolley up a slope. I see him. I follow my gut feelings - I run up and help him push it up. He turns, looks surprised, and he smiles. - That warmth. That felt good. Didnt need my mother to tell me she witnessed the whole thing; or for the fact that a puny lil girl cld really help with THAT load (thou back then i did think i was pretty strong...)
But that good is waning...
Yesterday, I chose a different path, knowingly, albeit rather reluctantly. I wasnt sure. I was somewhat afraid. Now, I am sadly conscience-stricken, and I cannot do anything to right it.
- this frustration sucks -
... and then you want to help the whole world.
Photographers bring to attention such situations. On hindsight, shd I have taken a photo of that man? - He would be an excellent photography subject, anyone would agree.
Does that help and do greater good? Because one subscribes to National Geographic and sees a photo of a girl with beautiful eyes that tell her sad-but-true-and-it-is-accepted-only-because-it-is-the-way-of-life-there story, they start donating to an organisation - Is that going to make you feel that good about one's self?
Such photographs alert the world abt these plights. What abt the photographers themselves? To take pictures, with such aspect, you'd place yourself by a "window", looking out into that world, and take that photo. Would you, as that photographer, step out, and do something abt that photo that is at that moment, being captured as filmgrains in the camera of your eye?
"... a little good goes a long way."
If i could turn back time, I'd like to know this man.
My pink shirt old man.
... what is soul? - at least i know, i have a soul that feels... a tad bit destitute at the mo. It needs to be worked on a lil' bit more thou... I know...
Melancholy sinks deeper.
Current MSN Nick:
1) no crushes = not crushed // celibacy pple.. no condoms, no abortions. what happened to abstinenc
2) I am normally-weird & weirdly-nornal
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