"Okay," I whispered, having no idea what he was getting at - but I could feel something happening; he was somehow taking charge of things.
"Well, I really want to buy the apartment - I want to put in a bid at the end of the week." His fingers around my upper arms were gently loosening up. "I don't want you to feel like you're just shacking up with me - I want this to be your place, too. Our place. But sometimes I'm not sure what you want. If the real estate market wasn't so insne, I would wait until after the wedding, but-"
Seeing the look in my eyes, he reached down and stopped talking. His fingers slid over my skin. It wasn't just the surprise that made my heart beat faster - the surprise of being pushed into such a tight corner. It was a feeling of both victory and fear that I couldn't talk about. I pulled him closer. My secret panic, the excitement, his nearness, his touch; the flood of emotions was overflowing elsewhere. I could feel myself getting damp. More than damp.
This was the most serious deal a girl can make with a guy, and I have no idea what I'm doing. I've charged men by the hour - that was one kind of deal- but this, this makes my business look like some kind of child's game. What if I say the wrong thing? What if I say what ought to be the right thing but turns out to be the wrong thing for me? If only I knew what I wanted!
His questions, his offer, made me feel like a total amateur, flustered and needy, instead of the sneaky professional I like to be. I enjoy playing the amateur with clients and boyfriends - especially with boyfriends. It's my scret indulgence. But this was scary. It was't a secret game or a private fantasy; it was real.
I closed my eyes and whispered, "Make love to me, I don't want to talk anymore. Please?"
on another note, I quote: "men r just bastards la...shd step on them, dig stiletos in, twist it ard and watch them scream" oyeah
Current MSN Nick: 666 is over; nothing happened :/ ; Time to strip
No comments:
Post a Comment